Charles Bukowski

This poem resonated for me and says it all:

no help for that

there is a place in the heart that

will never be filled

a space

and even during the

best moments


the greatest


we will know it

we will know it

more than


there is a place in the heart that

will never be filled


we will wait



in that


Up late again.

Ugh well I finished putting packing items away today. And the chilly air is gone so back to gym tmrw. I can’t wait to start shopping models as well as shooting again. I feel as if I have the burst of energy that hasn’t been there in a while with all that I have dealt with. I am so happy my passion is still here it is a part of me. It is who I am!!

So those I worked with please hit me up you know the proper contact info!

Here we go 2018!!!!

New York Burrrr

Ok now there is cold and there is cold but this is beyond! It’s like we are supposed to be polar bears or penguins! 🐵

I still love the crisp beautiful clean that cold winter brings. As cold as it is outside it reminds me of how beautiful and new things can be.

I am not saying I like the cold but I can appreciate it.

The New Year

For me the New Year brings hope…

Hope of happiness and health for everyone and hope to continue life with hope and faith. My grandmother passed away August 17, 2017 after falling in the spring. I loved her with all my heart. They say home is where the heart is and mine is broken. I have been writing again, modeling, taking photos. I know in my heart of hearts that I have to continue. My grandmother is one person who believed in me and knew that if I was ok with anything I did then that’s all that mattered. I beat to a different drum and that’s ok. That’s what makes life exciting. If we were all the same life wouldn’t be exciting and new! I know that I would not of done anything that I have done if I didn’t live with her and she taught me so much and all I can hope is that some how some way she is there she knows she is surrounding me with light and love knowing I will do the same for others. There are many people that influenced my life but not like my grandmother and I don’t any to lessen others in my life. I need to acknowledge that I always knew the day would come she wouldn’t be here and I she loved to 97 that’s a good long life and she was a great loving caring woman who deserves peace. But selfishly I miss her always and forever. All I can do now is rise up and make my accomplishments even better then when she was alive. She is with me now heart and soul. And for those of you who lost someone you love they are with you too. Make them proud. Feel their love. Feel their light!

Happy New Year! Let’s all make it a beautiful loving and great year for all mankind and of course animals! Plants and the earth!


I don’t know how I have energy but I do!

I feel energized when I should be in a ball over my grandma I never thought I could make it through this hard time. I dreaded this since I was a child. I never wanted to live without knowing grandma was around. And for some reason (thank God) I want to love more!

I want to embrace things more. Losing my dad and others close to me affected me but this is something so different I need to keep busy keep moving. Maybe because if I sit and think about it I will curl up in a ball. But I am hoping she’s right here watching over me and wanting me to want to live and love life!