Kelly Kole Kahian

I moved to Texas thinking it would be less stress and more Spence to live. Yes to more space but there is so much difference that I find it exhausting to even deal with it. I was in anxiety meds for 14 years in New York. They worked. They don’t prescribe them in Texas. I was on ambien to sleep they don’t prescribe more then six a month. I am on the high end of the anxiety spectrum and I have a sleep disorder just like my dad did. Not to mention I was New York State insurance due to my cancer and ptsd. They don’t that here. So I have been off my meds for over a year and haven’t been able to get follow up care for my cancer.

I feel like I need to come back to New York. Maybe not as much space but New York has everything I need and want.

Oh yeah not to mention there is only one diner besides (Denny’s which isn’t a diner by any standards) and two bagel places within an hour of Houston!

So looks like I am on my last leg with it here.

So if you are from New York New Jersey or Connecticut I strongly recommend do not think of Tex’s! It’s cheaper it’s more spacious but everything else is no bueno!

I was thinking about my grandma. She passed away august 1017

My world turned upside down. My grandma was my rock. She believed in me that Cen when I doubted myself. Even when everyone else did too.

I can’t put in enough words what she meant to me. But I can say everything I do everything I think of her. My friends I grew up with knew how much I loved her, my family too.

When she died I bought a dog a few months later. I didn’t find out til I got him home he was born the day she was buried. Every-time I look at KoKo I know there is a reason for everything. He’s lovable and snuggly and I am so happy he’s in my life/ he wouldn’t be in my life if my grandmother didn’t pas away. Because I wouldn’t be looking for him. So w every night I kiss him and lobe him. I know he was a nut to me when I needed him most.

We all lose someone sometime. We all go through hard times. We have to see a light at the end of a tunnel. God always puts a light on when we are in the dark.

When I first saw a blip in the news last December I knew something was up. I could read between the lines. When it blew up to what it is now I couldn’t believe it even though I could, if that makes sense.

I live in Texas now and I feel because my hey may not see themselves as metropolitan as New York and California they don’t take it as serious. It’s quite upsetting.

I see people wearing their masks on their ears but not on their face. I see people wearing it below their nose at Walmart yet serving deli meats and cheeses.

This is virus/disease that can affect anyone without discrimination. I don’t know what our future looks like or our economy or way of life.

All I know is I take it serious and I wish I pray I hope others will too.

See you on the other side! God willing!

www.mipic.co/Kellykole

Is it just me or is everyone’s sleep schedule messed up due to the covid19 virus.

I go to sleep I wake up and again and again etc.. it’s like I don’t know if I am coming or going.

I don’t see why my sleep would be this disrupted but it is?

Not everyone in life that you meet will you get along with. Sometimes personalities won’t mesh. Now I would love for this not to be the case but it’s something that happens.

I would love to get along with w Everyone. I try to brush things off or keep my distance in hopes of eventually getting along.

Unfortunately that has happened to me a few times over the last week. I would love for this person to be ok around me but I can’t make everyone like me. It does bother me because I am human and I do care.

But by me holding it in and then just avoiding this situation today I was so upset that I literally turned bright red and didn’t even know.

I knew I was very emotional and just freaking out. Now I am going over the situation and analyzing my response and my feelings in general.

I tried to ignore, tried to just keep my distance and tried to just be me and nothing worked.

So if the situation or whatever can be rectified I hope so. As of now I am just drained and still upset. I don’t even know if the other person even feels badly for the situation.

I don’t know I just feel like people today are losing their compassion and socializing skills that it shocks me at how unemotional and cold people have become. It’s sad to see this world like this.

Death leaves a heartache no one can heal.

Love leaves a memory no one can steal.

I have always loved the holidays. I love the lights the decorations the energy and the love that’s all around. I have friends that are very much Bah Hum Bug. It saddens me because they notice the rushing, the impatient shoppers, and more. Yes that is around. But I choose to see the love around me and in people I see.

I recently said to a friend and I truly believe we can choose to see the negative things because they exist or if we just change or perspective and open up to love. They might surprise themselves and get the holiday spirit.

So if anyone of you are Bah Hum Bug please open yourself up to the love and positive energy! You might enjoy and be grateful that you did!

I didn’t think it possible for it to feel colder today. But today I can still feel the cold in my bones and I have been back in my home for an hour. Stay warm. Cuddle your family. Cuddle your little humans with fur. Definitely enjoy a nice cup of hot cocoa.

Today I stopped by my friend Joice’s home. Her family is blessed to be very talented with music vocally and instrumentally. As I was in the hallway before entering I heard such beautiful singing and guitar playing it filled me with joy. It wasn’t just the beautiful music but to know Joice her family and her friends were enjoying such pure happiness and joy during thanksgiving brought me such joy and happiness. We see so much In the news and see such chaos around us. That moment was all I needed to fill my soul knowing the peace and love that’s all around us. That is what makes life so special.

I felt like I was walking in on a movie set. But it was real life and real love, real joy. That moment made me thankful because I got to experience it for s moment snd it warmed my spirit. Love really is all around we just need to be open to it snd we see and experience it when we are least expecting it.